Well, let me tell you, today is MUCH better! I am currently sitting at the computer in my prom dress! :D I'm such a girl.....but yeah, my sister Megan's friend Erin's mom (confused) came over and put strings on my dress for straps, which makes it much better considering I don't have the boobs to hold it up. Well, I do, it just slips down a little and I have to do that oh-so-classy act of pulling up my dress every 2 seconds. Spare me. So I'm prancing and spinning around in my dress, so I'm really excited! So things are getting better. Mending friendships and dresses, shrinking my stomach and thoughts of him, just moving on with life! I'm really excited about Saturday!!

~*~Till we dance away~*~

Ok..I'm not even hungry!!!!! I only snacked on carrots today (which I actually really like), but I'm going insane. I have never drank so much water in my life. I have peed WAY too much today. But water helps you lose weight. And water is rather good, just inconvenient! I made myself drink so much of it while watching tv that I almost threw up, lol. And then I peed! My mom is making me not live off of only slimfast.....I have to eat one meal she says. I'd better fucking lose some weight my Saturday. Ugh, but my deal is, I may not be hungry, I just need to eat. Its what I do. I snack on things. I barely have enough will power. Especially with this box of "BIG Cheeze-it"s sitting next to me, lovingly placed there by my sister. I tried to walk on this freeky tredmill sorty thingy we have, its inclined, and its not powered, you just....walk, and its so freaking jerky, I tried it for 7 minutes and went crazy. Then I drank water.

Jansen finally had her kid, thank god. Now we get Kristin's mom for the rest of the year! Hooray! Poor kid though, she named her Deedee Kacha Jansen. I don't know how to spell Kacha, but it'd be alot worse if it was Cacha. K's are always better than C's. Right Kristin? Kat? Kyle? thought so :)

I also tried to cook carrots. Its this freaky good sounding recipe on the carrot bag, with honey, cinnamon, salt, butter, and water. It burnt. Alot. I swear, I'm really kidding myself thinking I could be a chef. I've decided I want to be the person who drives around the luggage on the airport runways. This way I dont' have to deal with customers, I just get to drive around, and I get to travel cheaper. I plan on traveling for the rest of my life. Especially to Dave concerts. After seeing Fanclub, I want to follow them all around the country like the dude-who-worked-at-the-airport did. :)

Well, I'm fairly freaked out about prom. Must lose weight. Must have fun. Must have pretty hair. :) SOMEONE almost bailed on me and kinda got a date, which was VERY mean of them ;) but I'll deal. I still need to buy the ticket, however, I am $30 short of $30, so I've gotta squeeze it out of the parentals. This should be fun. Well, they dont' have to pay for anything else! Already had the dress, hair will be free (I've got connections :) ), and instead of going to dinner, a couple friends are having a potluck at my house to save on money! Trashy, but cheap!

Today still sucked though, considered the mostly positive info above. I really don't like it when people are mad at me. I'm not mad at you. Not in any way. Because I don't care anymore. I honestly want to go back to the way things were, and just leave everything behind us. And if you want to too, thats awesome. Because I did consider you my really good friend. I really did. I miss my friends.

Well, today I started my insane prom-week diet. All slimfast, and nothing else. I started it today, and it was especially hard since I was home and able to snack. It'll be much easier the rest of the week since I don't get home till like 5:45 each day anyways. I did cheat a big, I snacked on crackers, ate a piece of cherry pie (just a small piece) and a small slice of pizza. Afterwards I tried on my dress, so that kicked me into sticking to the diet this week ::shudder:: It was just at the point where it was a little uncomfortably (sp?) tight. Ugh....it made me sick. I wish I could be bolimic (sp?) but I HATE throwing up. I tried being anorexic and I did lose a bit of weight, but it just sucked too much. I'm willing to do all that, w/the awfull side effects and all. Thats how much I hate my body, I'm willing to hurt it. Like it needs any help, lol. Anyways, don't temp me with food this week, k?

OK honest to god I can't write that fucking essay. I can't think of anything. I don't have the short story so it is impossible to write the essay on it! And I still can't decide which one to do. I enjoyed The Key more and we only have to talk about the character, but I didn't write down any full quotes and I only took plot notes, which does nothing. A Rose For Emily was ok, I took crazy good notes on it, including quotes, but I don't like what we have to write about it. I really just wanna take a 0 on it....But I can't. Ugh!!!! I can't write it!!!!!!! Its driving me crazy. I stayed home from school for many reasons, but one because I didn't have the essay done, I was online till 11:30 cuz I couldn't spit out anything. I don't think I'm going to work today either, gotta get this fucking thing done, and then read a chapter in the Potok book, which shouldn't be bad. School needs to end sooooooo badly, I will be the most relieved person in the world when it ends. I plan on burning every notebook and folder I have. Mwahahaha.

Wow, I really do have cool emoticons, thanks for pointing it out, Kristin!

Its an awfull night. The air actually looks thick. I took my brother's gf, Theresa, home, because the poor boy was all tuckered out. I cannot write my essay, I can't think of a thing, so I doubt I'm going to school. I hate school in most possible ways. So many things are disrupting my thoughts. I think I might be schitzophrenic (sp?). I really do. Most of the time I honestly want to kill myself. But on the of the few things keeping me alive is the summer and the awesome time I'm gonna have with all of my concerts!!!!

This has definitely been the worst year of my life. It wasn't so bad until 2nd semester. Things crashed and burned from there. School really really REALLY needs to be over, honestly, before I kill myself. Whatever it doesn't make awfull my itself, it makes other things worse, if that makes any sense at all. I also just realized I NEVER follow my own advice. I really don't think I'm that good of a person...........

I hate fast food!! I went to Taco Bell after work cuz I have wanted to try those cheesy gordita crunches. Well, I get it, go home, and I'm really excited (how sad is that), I open it up, and its a fucking mexican taco!!! Don't get me wrong, I find the mexican tacos tasty as well, but I really wanted a cheesy gordita crunch! I wanted something......crunchy. Oh, and cheesy! And chewy too! I'm not racist, but stupid mexicans.....gimme the food I ordered....

So it seems people have different opinions on prom. I see prom as fun. It doesn't matter if you have a date, if all your friends have dates, or even if your friends are going. However, it is more fun when you have a date and so do all of your friends and all your friends are going. But that doesn't happen often, atleast not this time. So I don't have a date, and I'm going. Many people want me to go, and I have been talked into it. I always wanted to go, but wasn't sure for many reasons. No date, and some people who are gonna be there. But I think I'll have fun w/ or w/o a date, because most of my friends are going! One of them doesn't have a date, so we can stick together. As for those who do have dates, you lucky assholes. J/k, I hope you all have the best of time! I wonder if we are all going to dinner together like at homecoming, or if the couples are going alone....not too important!

LEAVE COMMENTS DAMNIT!!!!! Thank you!

-Velma Kelly

I've found out if I keep myself busy, my brain doesn't think about stupid things that don't leave me alone. Who woulda thought?

I love Chicago so much. I demand everyone call me Velma Kellly from now on. I saw it for the 4th time today! Hooray! I'm listening to the soundtrack like there's no tomorrow, I love it SOOOOOOOO much!!!! ::banana dance::

I've decided my brain isn't allowed to come out any more. Especially at night. Cuz then I let it think, which always makes me sad. I really do hate my brain, does anyone wanna trade?

So I change my mind EVERYDAY about prom. Even more than that. Earlier today I didn't want to go, and now I do. Well, I always WANT to go, its just a matter of putting the effort into it. So many things are holding me back. No date, no money, and other things. But homecoming kicked ass, it was really fun, and I really want to have fun...and I want to be social...so everyone help convince my stupid little brain to go. Finding me a date would be even better. :)

I hate it when parents say "enjoy highschool, they are the best years of your life." I think thats a pile of shit. For me anyways. OK, so many people really do enjoy highschool. But as for me, I'm saying if these are "the best years of my life," then I definitely don't want to live any longer. I'm not being suicidal, just saying, I hope things get better than this, cuz if this is the best it gets, life sucks. Alot. Just some optimism from me :)

This is me being sexy/evil :)

http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/kay_keb/vwp?.dir=/My+Photo+Album&.dnm=Me+being+sexy.jpg&.src=ph&.view=t&.hires=t

yeah, didn't work, nevermind.....Kristin!!!!

To anyone who really cares, Howie Day is going to be on The Last Call With Carson Daly at 1:00 AM Wednesday morning on channel 4. Brian and I are both cool enough to stay up, you should too. Howie Day is VERY good, a new artist out with a great cd called Australia. Go out and get it. Now. He's a singer/songwriter, kinda similar to Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, even Dave Matthews. I find him better than them (except for Dave of course) though. So you guys should definitely give up un-needed sleep and watch him :)

hey you know who's the greatest with blogs and html, and is a blog GODDESS!? well kristin is, because she helped me with this awesome blog. so go to her blog. http://mmmfire.blogspot.com/

I swear to god. I hate it. I can't get it out of my head. I thought I hated it, but I honestly don't believe I can live without it. And I don't want to. But I have no choice, I have lost it. I have lost it forever. I know others hate it. And I also want to hate it, so badly, for so many reasons. For everything it did to me. But its for many of the same reasons that I want it back. It made me feel so good inside. It made me feel like nothing could go wrong. It made me feel like life was worth living after all. It made me the happiest I have been in a really long time, many will agree. And now that its gone, I almost feel incomplete, even though I felt fine before I had discovered it. I always wanted it, and even though it hurt me, I would take it back in a second. If anyone finds it please let me know...

I swear, I don't believe I'm meant to have a cell phone. Mine finally broke after dropping it ALOT, and my new one is stuck in my mailbox. Thats right, STUCK in my mailbox! The key simply does not open it! I don't understand...its all Lauren -- my sister --'s fault. She forgot the key had come. It came on Wednesday, when it was supposed to. She also ate the rest of my Panda Express. I swear, that girl has it coming. Mwahahaha...

I'm really ready to eat real food. I'm on this insane slim-fast diet, where I get one real meal, and that is not enough for me. I require food which requires chewing. The slim-fast is actually really good, but I need to snack. However, my loving mother only buys shit to snack on, so I'm stuck being hungry until my next meal. I just ate a "healthy choice" meal, which was actually really good. Terriyaki chicken, rice, and vegetables, mmmmm. I hate the naturally skinny people. Thats ok, because the big people are going to survive in life. Its like when I almost hit a lady in the parking lot at Target. I am bigger, therefore I run you over. Its really simple, Darwin was a smart man, survival of the fittest. If you choose to walk in front of me, I will eat you with my car! So be careful the next time you think to yourself, "that insanely beautiful 1999 plymoth neon will stop me for me....Lets go!"

As for my first REALLY exciting post (riiiiiight), I am happy to announce that I have now learned to play Crash Into Me on the guitar. I am such a rockstar! Yeah not really, but atleast I've started to play again after a month-long break for some uncalled reason named Boys. I was sadly inspired by Kyle (you know I'm kidding), whom proved to me that he could play Crash over the phone, and I was immediately inspired to beat Kyle. Its that simple. But now I'm really really glad I did, because, you know what? Its really not that hard! Its just a hard stretch! I am one step closer to being a guy-magnet!

Ok...I've been sucked in. It's kinda like wearing a thong (OK, just stick with me...). You try to be rebelious by NOT doing it (wearing a thong like everyone, or, in this case, not creating a blog like everyone else), but once you try it, you really really like it! I admit it, I was wrong, GASP! Its not often I admit that. I'm warning you now, I cannot spell, and I try very hard to bullshit my way through life, which includes spelling. OK, so here goes the whole "blog" thing, I hope people will actually read it!