Hate is a strong word. But right now, I honestly hate my sister. I want to kill her in her sleep. Sure, I won't hate her later, and I didn't hate her 30 minutes ago. But right now, I want her dead. She's a stupid fucking lazy bitch.

I'm so fucking fed up with everything. School, my family, money, work, exercising, homecoming. I hate it all. I do not want to go to homecoming. But I do not want to spend my time at home. I cannot wait till I move away from this hell hole.

and I fucking hate boys. Alot. I hate them all.

and I hate Jessica West and her boobs.

You know you've got it bad for Johnny Depp when he has no eyes, has a bloody face, and you still can't resist him. Ahhh....

So I saw Once Upon a Time in Mexico today with Jess, Kat, Kristin, Alex, and Steph. I had fun. I loved the movie. Very good.

I got to spend my day at school for the Fiesta De San Miguel. I resisted from spending anything more than a dollar for 2 diet cokes. Then I blew all my money at the movies.

Husband of the Week: :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS!!!

Ok, actually her birthday ended 2 hours ago. Thats ok. My little girl is 18 today, so she got a birthday hole in her stomach! Its actually really good looking. I had her party at my house. I think everyone had a great time, which is good. Big Red tried to feel me up. Again. But I succeeded in warding him off! :D

Tomorrow I have to send out the stuff for the Howie Day b&p (with #41 on it!) I'm so excited! I need money!

Its weird, the more amount of people that know about this guy I really like....the more I like him...weird. Gah.

So Some Devil came out yesterday. On the way home from the game I was so excited (I was actually more excited for the cd than the game when we were driving there) that my cd would be waiting for me when I got home! So when we got home I actually forgot and my dad reminded me so I ran to the door and nothing was there. Ugh. So I planted myself in the living room, waiting for that UPS dude to bring me Dave. Finally I heard April barking and got really excited. He flew up the driveway, nearly killing our house, practically threw the package at me like it was burning his flesh, and zoomed away in that huge truck. I don't know how our fence survived. Cut to the point: I love the cd. Its pretty mellow, only 2 or 3 songs that get your groove on, so to speak, but still an awesome cd. Of course.

The game was insane. Once you think about it...its just a football game. But don't tell that to my dad. He went fucking insane. As did everyone else there. Raiders and Broncos are THE rivalry team. It was awesome. Fireworks, music, noisemakers, grown men everywhere painted orange and blue/black and silver jumping up and down and screaming over a coin toss, drumlines, dance teams, more fireworks (everytime the Broncos scored a touchdown, in fact). And Big Bad Voodoo Daddy to top it off :) They performed at halftime. We kicked the Raiders' asses! I actually do hate the Raiders now. Evil team. Die. No teenage guys though. Huh.

Note to self: get date to prom. As if I don't think about it enough...
and keep losing weight. I'm doing good :)

I told myself I was going to take it easy this weekend! I shopped all weekend. Yesterday I shopped from 11-6. Exhausted. I finally found a homecoming dress though, and its perfect. I found it at Mira! for only $66. Its especially cool cuz it makes me look like I have boobs. And since I've lost 10 lbs since the beginning of the school year it looks really good on me. Now I just need to find a date ::grumble grumble::

Well tomorrow after 2nd period (I figured I'd go to English and Calc) I'm off to Denver with my dad and his friend Jim Johnson to see the Broncos game! I'm really excited. Shit, I need to pack... Afterwards I thought we were driving home but we wouldn't get home till like 5 in the morning, so we decided to stay the night and leave at like 5 in the morning and I'll make it to my afternoon classes. So I'll have to find a way to do the calc sheet on my own...this should be fun.

Husband of the Week: John Elway. Old, I know. But a damned good football player. We miss ya, John.

Gah, I've been busy. I'm ready for school to be over. Yet I'm not. I don't want to be in high school or college. What an overachiever, I know.

I don't even know what to talk about, lots has been happening.

I've started excercising (sp??) everday with my mom and Jessica. My momma bought Winsor Pilattes which I fell inlove with once I saw the infomercial, so I made her buy it. I love it. Its fun. And funny, cuz we suck at it :) But I feel taller, stronger, and more sculpted!

I saw "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" tonite with Jessica and Matt. I really liked it. It was funny. Kind of sucky, but I love David Spade, so its ok! No touchy!

Earlier today my mom helped me ditch 7th (nice!) so I could go with Paula to get her ear pierced at Aware (sp? sounds like ah-wah-ray). She got that little nub pierced. Touch your nose, go in a straight line towards your ear, and touch the closest thing to your face, right in the middle of the ear. That little thing. She got that pierced. Very bloody, very cool. And the guy that did it it cool too. He's got a big man-fro.

Lets see....Thursday is our ring ceremony, which I'm really excited about. I can't wait to get my ring and I can't wait to get out of school early! Hooray! Even though I ditched work yesterday to go couch-shopping with Paula, I think I'll have to ditch on Thursday just for no reason except that I don't want to work. I got a check for $150 today, woohoo! Money! I owe Jess $15 and my mom $28. So that leaves me with $117. Still lots of money. Must save.

Kat's brother is hot.

I'm planning Jess' bday party, WHICH I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT CUZ JESSICA WILL READ! HAHAHAHA. Yes, I'm smarter than that. See me for party info...even though the 2 of you who read this a) already got the invite; b) live in Las Vegas. Tough luck. Thats what you get when you treat this thing like a diary where you just blab.

So this Saturday I'm going to a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert with my mom and dad. Yes, I'm that cool. As I'm sure you don't know, Peter, Paul, and Mary sang "Puff The Magic Dragon."

Monday I'm leaving school early to go to ::insert NFL theme song:: MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! THE DENVER BRONCOS VERSUS THE OAKLAND RAIDERS (boooooo raiders!) Yep, I convinced my dad. I'm so proud. This is quite an accomplishment. Woohoo!

And next Saturday my dad had planned to take me to the Broncos-Lions game (lame!) but I dunno about it now. Prolly not. And next Saturday I have my SATs and then a UNM Senior Day. Gah! My life is busy! But I like it, its nice doing stuff after 2 1/2 months of nothing but work. Now we work and learn and go to concerts and football games and everything else!

I just pre-ordered Dave Matthews' solo debut, "Some Devil," which is released a week from today, the 23rd of September. And no DMB, is not breaking up. Save some money, go buy it.

Husband of the Week: Leif Garrett, former child star. He was in Dicky Roberts. I really like him and his goofy hat. But here's his hunky days. Actually I just decided he looks like a girl.

Here he is today

Oh yeah, much better, lol :D

There, Kyle, have anything to comment on?

So I'm inlove with a new guy. He's the fair guy. We went to the state fair yesterday. He's one of the guys who runs the rides. He has long hair in a ponytail, and a baseball cap. He has that thing thats your lip but lower pierced. That thing that is right above your chin. It looked sooooo good on him. I thought he was really hot. And then he spoke. IN AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT!!! I almost died. I'm so in love I could die

::sigh::

Lol, I think I need a boyfriend, before I start stalking strangers....

So I forgot to talk about Zozobra. It was Thursday night. Very fun. We made Kristin go since she had never gone before. So I went with Kat, Jess, Kristin, Kyle, David, Matt, and Brian. I think thats it...I'm probably forgetting someone. Nothing too exciting happened. It was freezing at first, but then 2390642828965 people showed up and things heated up. Someone in the crowd pushed out group and a little girl behind us fell out of her stroller (not a baby, she was like 7. In a stroller. She was asking for it) So we semi-got in a yelling fight with her insane mother. Good wholesome fun :) Then they burned him.

After the crowd cleared out, all of my insane friends danced to awfull techno music. And then like 20 people playing the drums were walking around with a bunch of people dancing with them so we went and danced with them. Alex Merrial (sp?) was right next to us (soooooo hot, want to touch the hiney, owwwww!) His band is the Alex Merrial Band of course. So this guy sings, plays guitar really really REALLY well, has long hair, and is sooooo hot. AND he was wearing a Denver Broncos hat. I'm inlove with him. I really am.

Then it was time to go, and the drum crowd was farther down towards the plaza, and David and Kyle stopped to talk to some chicks, and I saw this really got guy with really ugly dreadlocks. But his face was really hot! So we made eye-contact and I smiled at him :) Don't know if he smiled back, lol.

Then last night we went to a party and I saw the guy again. His name is Jasper. I've heard of this guy. I was pretty shocked. But DAMN! Hot!!

School was alot better this week! I went home early Wednesday cuz my back was killing me (as it is today). I understood everything that went on in Calc yesterday, which was awesome. I missed the govt test Wednesday so I made it up yesterday after school. I was terrified cuz everyone said it was an essay test, so I studied my ass off all day. He handed back the tests in class so I read one of them, and then he gave me the exact same one, so I'm pretty sure I got an A.

One of my retarded nails is digging into my finger and it hurts like a bitch. It hurts when I type an e, d, or c. Yet I don't stop.

I wrestled with Jessica last night, and I won! And now my back is killing me again.

Dave's cd comes out in 17 days! I have to get $20 bucks soon so I can order it online and get a free cd with it.

So Friday night I had this awesome dream. Me and someone (it might have been Jess) got backstage passes to a DMB show. This one chick who worked back there told me that if I talk to this other chick at a nearby table I could meet Dave. So I went and talked to her and filled out all these papers and Dave just walks up! So we start talking, and then Dave puts on some music and we slow dance. It was so romantic, ::sigh:: The only weird thing is, Dave's short. Like, a couple inches shorter than me. Thats ok though, cuz he kisses me! (gimme a break, this is my dream) So we're standing there, dancing/making out, and these people are taking pictures of us (I can see the tabloids now). But soon its show time, and he just walks off! He doesn't say a thing to me! Then we go and get out seats, its in a really small place, like a movie theater, so of course we've got good seats. And then it ends. I really liked it :D

Yeah, thats how my brain works.

I threw up strawberries yesterday. My parents are convinced I was hungover. I wasn't.

Husband of the week: This guy. He's from the Lemonheads. He's hot. Even in a dress :D

Here's my college admissions essay. I don't really like it...I dunno.

TOMORROW LEADS THE WAY
"I'm coming slow but speeding." This is what I think about this point in my life. It is a quote by the Dave Matthews Band, the band I am associated with quite often. My main goal in life is to make the best of all I can, and music helps me with that. I make sure that I am happy with who I am. In order to do this, I have had to break some surprising news to my family, which hurt them, but helped me become a better person. Many difficult steps in my life have helped me to develop into the person I am known as today. Anyone who knows me knows of my love of music.
My feelings toward music are a little more than the average “music is pretty and I like to listen to it” statements. I adore music. It motivates me to the point where I feel that I can accomplish anything. The music that motivates me the most is the Dave Matthews Band. Front man Dave Matthews’ lyrics have taught me to take a closer look at my life. The most effective lyric, at this point, has been “I’m coming slow but speeding,” an excerpt from a song titled #41. It seems that, while enduring it, high school has taken such an infinitely long time. Yet, as I look at the “big picture,” so to speak, high school is just a minute slice of my life. I have been, in fact, speeding through my adolescence. As a senior, as I look back on the last five years of my life, I realize it has zoomed by like I had never imagined. I had this DMB lyric engraved on the inside of my class ring, because it is how I feel about my high school career, and it helps to prepare me
for college.
Goals for college are hard for me to formulate. While I am interested in music, playing it is not my forte. Choosing a college major will be a very hard decision for me. I have many hobbies that I enjoy, and I strive to apply one or more of them to my career. I thoroughly enjoy watching culinary arts on television, and I love the idea of becoming a pastry chef. However, my current skills have not proved to be extremely talented. I do not necessarily enjoy mathematics, but I find it easy, and occasionally, interesting. For this reason I have been contemplating studying accounting. It seems that it would be an enjoyable career for me. While I have not made any major college decisions, I have made other significant decisions that have had an effect on both my family and myself.
Having survived a private Catholic school, I have made many religious decisions. One of these decisions has been to explain to my family that I disagree with the Catholic church, and explained to them that I refuse to go to church any longer. This didn’t turn out so good, considering I had recently had my Confirmation. Of course, they were upset. They tried to change my mind by preaching to me. I did not yield, though. I have stood by what I believe in, and I do not allow the opinions of others to intervene. This has caused me to be detached, in a way, from my three siblings. All their life, they have followed the path of my parents, as has been expected. If there is a God, which I doubt, I should not be forced to praise him for an hour every week. There is no point in it. It is just how I see things. I tend to see things differently than your average teenager.
This is who I am, and this is how I feel. This is why I save up all the money left from my car payments in order to see DMB or any of my other favorite bands as often as possible. This is why I sleep in every Sunday morning while my family is at church. I feel that life should not be
wasted solely in order to get along with the crowd. I am unique. I may not have too many ways of showing it, but I am.

Thor is a fucking lunatic. I hate him. I am starting a coalition to kill him in his sleep. Just let me know if you're interested.

Which Donnie Darko character are you? by Shay

Ok, so I was excited for school until after school friday. Now I despise it. I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready to sleep in and work everyday. I already miss summer.

I had to work are Walmart today, and then I had to shop. I was so frustrated I wanted to kill every little fucking kid there. I hate kids. Especially mexican kids. Don't fucking touch my cards, either.

On another note, today was Book Day at school. I actually really enjoyed it. I have a top locker!! ::happy banana dance:: I also have great classes. A friend had family troubles after school, so it took me a while to meet Kyle and Kristin at the mall. But I had a really good day...I'm actually looking forward to school...werid.

Well, Irena ended up being able to go to Lollapalooza with me! Hooray! We had a super time. It was VERRRRRRRY hot though. It had to have been close to 100. In my mind, Audioslave was the best act. I mean: Chris Cornell. Come on! Wow. They did a cover of The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army." It was really cool. Apparently a bunch of people didn't even know it was a cover. They were amazing. Jane's Addiction was excelent (high five) as well. Perry Farrell may be one of the ugliest men on earth, but he's also one of the sexiest. He's sexy like the guy from STP and Mick Jagger. Really sexy (sexay even). I don't really feel like going into amazing details about the whole concert. Paula said this, and I completely agree with her. She said that it was probably the best concert she's been to...but she didn't really feel connected. There was no vibe...and thats exactly how I thought afterward. Weird. But it was still really really fun!

Well, tomorrow is Lalapallooza. And at the moment I have no one to go with. Guess we'll see what happens.

Husband of the Week: Dave Grohl, formerly of Nirvana, and of The Foo Fighters and Queens of the Stone Age. He just got married...so I thought I should make him my husband :D

My car controls the weather.

I hadn't washed my car for weeks. Maybe a month or two even. It hasn't rained for weeks Before Jess & I left to Denver to see DMB, I washed it. On the way back, it rains. I don't wash it for weeks again. It doesn't rain for weeks. Wednesday, I wash my car. Yesterday, it rains. Today, it rains.

I think I will write the City of Santa Fe and tell them if they provide the funding to wash my car, it will provide the rain.

Gee, how could I forget?

Semester 1:

1st-English 12, rm 64 (Chitwood! ::happy banana dance::)
2nd-Calc Honors, rm 53 (Christiansen. Devil.)
3rd-Religion 12, rm MUSIC (Buddy)
4th-Yearbook, rm 40 (Mrs. Duran Eiker)
5th- Off campus lunch. (hopefully it won't be taken away for THE REST OF THE YEAR)
6th-Art 1, rm ART (White. Nice!)
7th-Govt & Econ, rm 53. (Just found out thats with Mr. Garcia. Kill me. I must have Roos!)

Semester 2
1st- English, same.
2nd-Calc, same
3rd-Art 2, w/Mr. White
4th-Yearkbook, same.
5th-almuerzo
6th-Sociology, rm 55 (Ms. Sinceri)
7th-Govt & Econ, same.

Not a bad schedule, I do say. Except I need Ms. Roos to pass Govt/Econ. I find Mr. Garcia SOOOOO BORING. But I have Chitwood!! Hooray!!!! I think it'll be a pretty cake here, except for Govt/Econ. That'll kick my ass. Luckily its at the end of the day :D I'm good at math, so I'm really not worried about Calc. We'll see!

Vacation was good I guess. We ended up going as far as Vegas (NV of course) and staying there for 4 days. It was fun hanging out with Jacinda, we were as absent minded as ever of course :D Then we headed to Durango, where we took the train to Silverton. Its 40 miles each way. Yet takes 3 and a half hours each way. I don't wanna do the math, but I don't think the train ever hit any higher than 20. But there was this cool guy in the cart in front of us that looked like Buddy Holly only because he had think rimmed glasses. His hair was crazy, which I loved. He had a really long face, and was wearing a cowboy hat. I didn't say anything, and when I looked back, Meghan and my mom were smiling at me. They asked me if I thought he was cute and I just said, "He's Buddy Holly, I'm not sure..." and they laughed. They said they were positive it was someone I would have thought was hot. I do have weird taste like that...We fought alot on this trip. More than usual. But Lorn was on her menstrual, so don't blame her. Meghan was just Meghan.

Today I bought 4 Neon Tetras. Those are fish. Really cute little fish. And I bought 4 plants for the aquarium since one had died and the other was fake. So now I had the clear fish, named Karl, a big ugly fish, and 4 cute little fish. I cleaned out the tank and put pretty red rocks Paula gave me in it, and then decided to name them. The 4 cute little ones are Dave, Carter, Stefan, and Boyd. The big ugly is LeRoi, cuz he's big and ugly. But I still love him. :D

I also changed the lightbulbs in my room. I achieved this by standing on my cats' scratching post. Not the easiest thing to do. But I didn't fall! This was a miracle. I changed the lightbulbs all by myself :D Now its REALLY bright in my room. It hurts. I want it back to one light bulb, not 4.

Husband of the Week:
Buddy Holly :D I only know the songs of his they play on the radio. The actor who played him in La Bamba was cute.

what a sex-machine. Oh baby, oh baby.