YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ON PURPOSE

So I'm hanging out in the SRC computer pod again. Because my computer is dead. Again. Matt deleted the virus protection, and then it worked nicely for a while, but Kyle used it when I didn't want him to (he didn't break it, it just broke when he used it) and now its back to its moody self. I think I want to wipe the hard drive again and start over, since I only need my pictures, and I have those on a cd. Why is my computer so evil?!

This weekend had extreme ups and downs. Got to spend time in Santa Fe with family and Matt, which was mostly pleasant. It was nice to see 8am, even if it was at 8am. Earned some money Thursday with my mom, and went wood hunting on Saturday with parents, Daniel, and Matt. Well, the guys did the wood and my mom and I picked pinon, which we have a shitload of now!

My brother broke his wrist falling off a ladder.

I'm going to see a band/artist called Teitur tomorrow. Sort of Howie Day-ish, so looking forward to that. I love discovering little known bands. Like SNMNMNM, which is...this weekend? Next weekend? Not sure. At the launchpad though. And I might even go see them at horrible emo-child filled Warehouse, since Lorn wants to see them. We'll see if I'm in town.

And finally the printer is free, so I can print out my public speaking shit!

LET IT GO

I am so worried about someone right now that I cannot sleep. It has come as a huge surprise and I think I'm in shock. I've prettymuch been crying on and off for the past 24 hours. I hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. I hate my current surroundings. I want to be in Santa Fe, with Matt, with my family. They are the only people I look forward to seeing right now. School seems to suck, everything seems to be going downhill all of the sudden. Every week is different. Thank god this week is only 3 days, I don't know if I could survive a full week. I feel like this person has suddenly become someone I don't know. This is not something I could have ever forseen. I've tried to surround myself with tv or computer all evening, but both of them suck. I just want to be with Matt. Not in this dorm room. Not eating the fucking shit they feed us here. Not having to bike through the cold rain. Its like the weather is this lingering emotion right now. It won't lift. I usually don't fall into sad spells like this very easily unless it hits closely, which it has. I just want someone to tell me this isn't true, that none of this is happening. I can't accept it. It just seems so unlikely. I can't make sense of it. I just wish so badly that people would learn how greatly their actions affect others. I prettymuch can't talk to anyone about it, and that is what is hard. I have to play happy to avoid confrontation, because I know some will force it out of me because of concern.

I just want to be home. I don't care about school at all at this point.