LET IT GO

I am so worried about someone right now that I cannot sleep. It has come as a huge surprise and I think I'm in shock. I've prettymuch been crying on and off for the past 24 hours. I hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. I hate my current surroundings. I want to be in Santa Fe, with Matt, with my family. They are the only people I look forward to seeing right now. School seems to suck, everything seems to be going downhill all of the sudden. Every week is different. Thank god this week is only 3 days, I don't know if I could survive a full week. I feel like this person has suddenly become someone I don't know. This is not something I could have ever forseen. I've tried to surround myself with tv or computer all evening, but both of them suck. I just want to be with Matt. Not in this dorm room. Not eating the fucking shit they feed us here. Not having to bike through the cold rain. Its like the weather is this lingering emotion right now. It won't lift. I usually don't fall into sad spells like this very easily unless it hits closely, which it has. I just want someone to tell me this isn't true, that none of this is happening. I can't accept it. It just seems so unlikely. I can't make sense of it. I just wish so badly that people would learn how greatly their actions affect others. I prettymuch can't talk to anyone about it, and that is what is hard. I have to play happy to avoid confrontation, because I know some will force it out of me because of concern.

I just want to be home. I don't care about school at all at this point.