I don't know why I'm so fucking miserable lately. I go up and down, really. And since I'm always around Matt, I end up taking it out on him. I'm sorry Matt, you know I love you and I don't mean to be moody, but its not something I can help. I didn't go to work, sociology, or english today. But I did go to pilates, and very shitty afterwards. Physically and mentally. Tried to take a nap which I didn't need since I slept till 12:30 today, but I couldn't sleep even though I feel exhausted. Called my mom to feel better but she just jumped all over me for not going to work, which I never should have mentioned. I cannot wait for school to be over, so I can go camping, with or without everyone, and just do absolutely nothing but listen to Dave for a couple days, which I really need.

I've been crying way too often. I never cry. I usually only cry like every other month, but since my grandma died I've been crying like every day for one reason or another. My eyes always hurt. I can't focus on school, which is great with finals coming up. I have to write a paper for music and study for spanish tonite, as well as clean the house since Tiffany is coming on Wednesday to check out the house, so it needs to look nice. And since I feel all shitty, my diet is going to hell. I eat way more when I'm all depressed. And Jen (Josh's girlfrend) baked me cookies for my birthday, which they thought was yesterday...which was weird. Josh gave me a shirt from Florida, which was really sweet.

But I don't understand why I feel so shitty. Maybe its my grandma...maybe its something else that I can't figure out.