SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'M FALLING

Ugh. Finals. Its really not that bad, I just never study, so when I even study a little, its like the world is coming to an end. I have to add 5 pages to one essay and edit two others for my english portfolio. Not sure if I did really good or really bad on my math final. It was hard to tell. I was concentrating on drinking my tea, not sequences.

I reacted suprisingly bad to the news that Matt's mom didn't like me for a little bit. It upset me alot, and I'm not quite sure why. Prolly cuz I'm used to being the one that parents like. I remember the time Mark Bustamante told me his parents did like me....I felt horrible. Well, they had legitimate reasons (I kept him at my house 5 hours past his curfew, completely against his will). I just have always been liked by most parents, atleast as far as I know. And I didn't think not eating the food at Matt's grandparents' last night would be such a big deal. And I'm shy when I'm surrounded by people I don't know. Amy was the only one who made it a point to talkto me, and she's four. It was weird, and I feel really bad about it. I've been invited to go see Amy's dance recital next week, so I'll have to redeem myself then. I really don't care what most people think of me...but some people it matters. Like parents. If parents don't like you, they tell other parents, and then the other parents don't like you, and so on. Plus I don't want to do anything that would sabatage my relationship with Matt. Because although he makes my life busier, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I've never been in love until now, and I never want to let it go. I feel like a complete idiot most of the time, like when I fill the house with smoke because I can't build a fire, or I think my math exam is at 10am when its really at 12:30, or I forget about the important dinner he told me about weeks in advance and I didn't get off work for that night. Even though I'm a complete airhead like this, he still loves me. I feel So Damn Lucky.