This song on the Curious George soundtrack really seemed to pertain to my current situation.

Questions, I've got some questions
I want to know you
But what if I could ask you only one thing
Only this one time, what would you tell me?
Well maybe you could give me a suggestion
So I could know you, what would you tell me?
Maybe you could tell me what to ask you
Because then I'd know you, what would you tell me
Please tell me that there's time
To make this work for all intents and purposes
And what are your intentions, will you try?
Impressions, you've made impressions
They're going nowhere
They're just going to wait here if you let them
Please don't let them
I want to know you
And if they're going to haunt me
Please collect them
Please just collect them
And now I'm begging
I'm begging you to ask me just one question
One simple question
Because then you'd know me
I'll tell you that there's time
To make this work for all intents and purposes
At least for my own
What is a heart worth if it's just left all alone?
Leave it long enough and watch it turn into stone
Why must we always be untrue?

DANCE MAGIC DANCE

Why the fuck is webct down from 130 am - 330 pm?? That is worst possible time!! That's when slacker students like me need webct!! Fuck. I have a geography test tomorrow and I need it. Geography is my worst class. Its not the class so much, its the teacher. She is horrible. She is seriously just a really really bad teacher! I can't say I've learned anything, so I'm going to have to learn by reading the book....which isn't some I do often. Luckily the test is on webct, so I can use stuff to help, but we still only have an hour for it. I shouldn't be nervous, though I think she may have made it hard since its on webct. I don't know...

I was telling Becca how my whole philosophy is beneficial and...un-beneficial (its late and my brain has turned off.) Since I was cheated on like 3 or 4 years ago, after a few days I decided to just get over it and move on, since being pissed and hurt really wouldn't change the situation. It wouldn't make it better at all, so I decided to be the bigger person and just get over it and move on. And I did, and I've been doing it since, for the most part. Of course there are things I just can't get over even though I try to force myself to. But since I force myself to stop caring about things, school has become one of those things. I don't stress for tests, or feel bad if I fail. I just don't care, and its horrible. I could really pull of a 4.0 if I wanted to. And I do want to, cause it would be awesome, but I just don't have the willpower to do so. Just like I don't have the will power to eat better.

I can really lose weight quite easily, just by eating smaller portions of healthier foods. I don't have to go crazy and exercise a whole bunch. Its just....at the time, when I'm eating, it feels worth it. Being fat for really yummy food, that is. But then, its easy once you get into the pattern of not eating shit. I did it in highschool, I can do it now. I want to feel good about myself like I used to. Being confident adds so much more to how you act and how you look. I've just found it much harder lately, to feel good about myself, that is. I need to force myself to lose weight, so everyone needs to help. Please be mean to me and tell me not to eat the shit you see me eating. Tell me its worth it to lose 10 lbs, thats all I need.

COLD WINTER SUN

So Christmas and New Years happened...both were pretty sweet. Got a little mp3 player made to look like the new iPods, with the black front and the shiny back. It works just fine for me! Got a newer version of my old camera with the broken LCD screen, as well as some sweet cds, warm fake converse shoes, loads of awesome autographed Howie Day stuff and Jack Johnson vinyl records from Matt, among other things.

Christmas was nice, but it went by too fast. It didn't really seem like many were in the "Christmas spirit." I'm pretty sure its because 2005 just sucked. Just...overall....sucked. War, idiot president, so many poeple dying, and then a whole bunch of people breaking up towards the end of the year. Whats with that? My sister's and a couple of my friends' relationships ended right after Christmas...I guess thats when people wait to end relationships...even though John Mayer thinks its St. Patrick's Day. I guess there's enough time between Christmas and Valentine's Day for people to break it off and not feel bad. However, my sister's was the only surprise break up, not a mutual thing like alot of others. So now I'm one of the few people among my friends who is still in a relationship. Kassi and Irena broke up with their's over summer, then came Kat and kind of Becca around New Year's. Kyle's been single for a while, and David is always on and off. But then, the biggest surprise, Nick/Doug Rob has a girlfriend now! And so it seems Paula and I are the only ones left. Its just weird. At one point, almost all of us were in a relationship.

What the hell is going on with the weather? It was like 59 degrees the other day, in the middle of winter!! I guess snow was blowing around this morning...even though the sky was clear, but I wasn't awake to witness that oddity.

So I've been home for all of break now and the only income I've had is from 2 babysitting jobs. That amounts to $80, which I almost immediately spent both times. I was thinking of working for this guy we know who has a catering business, but when I talked to him....I just wasn't sure about it. No one pushed me, so I ended up sitting around...and baking a shitload of cookies the week before christmas, which is always fun. I've been cooking a bit too, and thinking more and more about dropping out of UNM and finding a culinary school here in Santa Fe. I've heard there's one...maybe even more. But I may stick around and get a degree in Spanish.

So when I move back I'm pretty sure I'm moving into a 2 bedroom aparntment with Josh Zwemer and his girlfriend Jen at the Sun Village apartments off of Indian School. Its close to campus, and there's a shuttle bus that takes you there, which is sweet. We just still need to get everything done. I'm not looking forward to school starting. I have shitty ass classes for this semester, because I don't know what to take besides spanish. And I waited too long so most of the spanish classes filled up, so I'm stuck with taking one when I could have been taking 3. Oh well. I'm taking tennis, aerobics, earth and planetary sciences, spanish, and history, but am gonna try to drop history if I can yellow card into another spanish. I hate history.

This past week has been really boring now that my sisters are back in school. I sit around most days till they get home at 3 then finally have a chance to do something.

Oh yeah, and Howie Day got arrested. Again:

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/12/23/people.howieday.ap/

CAR HORNS, CORNERS AND THE GRITTY

Its almost the end of the semester! I had my last day of espanol today, no final! Tomorrow I practically finish up public speaking, with my last speech. Then i just have to write a two page paper really quick. No final in the class either!

Just one final in Environmental science, next wednesday. Thats the only thing I have all next week.

Tomorrow's the gay acoustic peak concert. And we're going. We being Kat, Becca, and I. Hopefully we're gonna get a little merry beforehand.

Yesterday I only got to talk to Matt for like 30 seconds. And today another 30 seconds. It sucks, when he gets off work I'm at work, and I don't get out till like 10:30, and he's already asleep by that time. It really really sucks. I miss Matt like crazy during the week. I can't wait for Christmas break!!

GIVE IT AWAY NOW

Shit I've been busy. Its a big change. I have a job now! I've started working at Rudy's BBQ on Carlisle. Its way fun, I love it. All my co-workers are cool and my bosses are the shit. Its a fun job. I get free food at work and half off whenever I buy food when I'm off. And its way good. Lots of MEAT!

Tomorrow's last day of school till Thanksgiving Break! I'm so excited! I love Thanksgiving! I have an environmental science test and a public speaking test tomorrow...

**sidenote...its legal to walk around topless (as a woman) in Toronto. Another reason why Canada is awesome.**

so its midnight and I still haven't started studying. But there's a show on nipples on vh1. its wonderful.

Today is Matt and I's one year and 2 months anniversary! It's wonderful. I'll get to see him tomorrow night!

GRAVITY

Gah! I have too much to do all of the sudden. I have all sorts of shit due for public speaking. Turn in the 1-2 page self evaluation paper, write the 1 page speaking plan, decide what to talk about for, research, and make a visual aid for, and perfect my 6-7 minute speech that I'm doing tomorrow. I needed to go the bank today and find out if I got all my money back, didn't do that. I needed to go my the student services center and get scholarship stuff. I didn't do that. But I did get the temporary parking permit for the suburban.

I'm tired, I don't feel like writing, researching, or making a visual aid. Ugh. As usual, I want to go home, not be stuck in this tiny room.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I STILL DESPERATELY LOVE YOU

My car is sick. I was driving to Santa Fe Thursday evening and it started acting....funky. It got shaky and scary. It made it home and my daddy worked on it. I don't know whats wrong with it but he has to take out the motor....or the engine...I really don't know. So I'm driving the old white suburban. Its huge and barely fit into the space in the parking garage. I had to crawl to the back seat to get out, I was that close to both cars. It sucks. I love my car, and I'm very sad that its sick. :(

But this weekend was good. Besides the funeral on Friday. Got to hang out with my family and Matt, which is always fun. Especially stacking wood for hours. I didn't work as hard has anyone else, but thats because I'm wimpier. My back is killing me.

I'm very tired. Got to get up early when Matt went to work and take my car back to my dad's shop. Atleast I got coffee. Its only 10 and I'm ready for bed.

I had something profound to say earlier...but I forgot, as I tend to do with most things these days.

LOVE, BABY

So I made a long post about what I've been up to, but Blogger decided to erase it. That was a long time ago.

I talked about Teitur, a guy Matt and I went and saw in Santa Fe. He opened for this crappy chick Amy Man. She sucked. But Teitur, oh man...he was incredible! I'm in love! He's on myspace. Check him out. You say his name "Tie - ter." Not teeter. He's got an english accent, so say it that way. His cd, "Poetry and Aeroplanes" is genius. He has a song "One and Only," which is his "almost-blockbuster" song. It has almost been in Shallow Hall and How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. And it was going to be Monica and Chandler's wedding song. But in the movies and scenes were deleted, and it wasn't chosen for Friends. Bummer. Its great.

So that was fun. Halloween was ok. Saturday night we went partying, I was La Llorona, which is very spooky. But last night I hung out in Santa with my parents. Just sick of my dorm and albuquerque. I like Santa Fe much more. Especially hanging out with my mommy and daddy and Matty.

I've been in another depressed slump. It sucks. I got a job at Rudy's BBQ, where they play shitty country music. But they pay $7/hour for cashiering. But I need to get my alcohol serving training first, which I'll get Saturday. Then I can start working...for like a month, then go back to Santa Fe for winter break and work there. Yay.

YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ON PURPOSE

So I'm hanging out in the SRC computer pod again. Because my computer is dead. Again. Matt deleted the virus protection, and then it worked nicely for a while, but Kyle used it when I didn't want him to (he didn't break it, it just broke when he used it) and now its back to its moody self. I think I want to wipe the hard drive again and start over, since I only need my pictures, and I have those on a cd. Why is my computer so evil?!

This weekend had extreme ups and downs. Got to spend time in Santa Fe with family and Matt, which was mostly pleasant. It was nice to see 8am, even if it was at 8am. Earned some money Thursday with my mom, and went wood hunting on Saturday with parents, Daniel, and Matt. Well, the guys did the wood and my mom and I picked pinon, which we have a shitload of now!

My brother broke his wrist falling off a ladder.

I'm going to see a band/artist called Teitur tomorrow. Sort of Howie Day-ish, so looking forward to that. I love discovering little known bands. Like SNMNMNM, which is...this weekend? Next weekend? Not sure. At the launchpad though. And I might even go see them at horrible emo-child filled Warehouse, since Lorn wants to see them. We'll see if I'm in town.

And finally the printer is free, so I can print out my public speaking shit!

LET IT GO

I am so worried about someone right now that I cannot sleep. It has come as a huge surprise and I think I'm in shock. I've prettymuch been crying on and off for the past 24 hours. I hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. I hate my current surroundings. I want to be in Santa Fe, with Matt, with my family. They are the only people I look forward to seeing right now. School seems to suck, everything seems to be going downhill all of the sudden. Every week is different. Thank god this week is only 3 days, I don't know if I could survive a full week. I feel like this person has suddenly become someone I don't know. This is not something I could have ever forseen. I've tried to surround myself with tv or computer all evening, but both of them suck. I just want to be with Matt. Not in this dorm room. Not eating the fucking shit they feed us here. Not having to bike through the cold rain. Its like the weather is this lingering emotion right now. It won't lift. I usually don't fall into sad spells like this very easily unless it hits closely, which it has. I just want someone to tell me this isn't true, that none of this is happening. I can't accept it. It just seems so unlikely. I can't make sense of it. I just wish so badly that people would learn how greatly their actions affect others. I prettymuch can't talk to anyone about it, and that is what is hard. I have to play happy to avoid confrontation, because I know some will force it out of me because of concern.

I just want to be home. I don't care about school at all at this point.

HOKAY, SOH...

I'm way tired. I keep going to sleep way too late. Last night I would have gone to bed at like 1am had shit not happened. And now I'm sitting in the SRC lab, alone and a little scared, instead of being in bed.

Relationshiply, things could be better. But we're working through. As of this moment I am happy.

On that note, a week ago was our anniversary. I meant to post something nice and romantic about it, but never had the time. I have a couple people to thank: Becca's parents for making her and her birthday, Dylan for being in Phi Delt, and John Mayer for being on the mix cd I made for Becca. Oh, and the shy guy who sarcastically said "oh, John Mayer, now I can stay at this party." Honestly, my first reaction was "ugh, what a stuck up ass. I should pick an argument over this." good thing I like to argue about music. and also a good thing I get leany when I drink.

I woke up with a card...a fraternity business-type card, which was funny...in my back pocket. On the back of it was sribbled "Matt 280-****" Hmmm.. I remember this happening! I was way excited. but my hangover kept me from jumping around.

everyone told me to use the 3 day rule...call someone after three days. before that you seem desperate and clingy and crazy. after that you seem uninterested. well, my brain couldn't take it, and it didn't want to push an anurism (sp?), so I caved in after 2 days. it was scary, i was nervous. i was planning on acting calm, "hi, is matt there? hi matt, this is katie, we met at becca's birthday party." instead it came out "HI!!!!!" "....hi....." "ITS KATIE!!" ".....oh, hey" "we met a becca's birthday party and you gave me your number!!"

its a miracle he didn't hang up right then and think "wow...she was a lot calmer when she was wasted." but instead he hung in there. probably took a couple breaths as to not make me cry. and we made small talk.

the next day i got a text asking to hang out between classes. we met at the benchy things in the middle of the mitchel hall/ortega/duckpond area. i sat for a while, thinking he wasn't coming. then i saw him...i did the looking away thing...where you pretend not to watch them walk to you from a long distance away. he was with 2 guys. great...he brought his friends. now i'm intimidated. but then they give him a pat on the back and took a different path. i thought i might throw up my heart.

we sat, talked for a while. he didn't look at me much...spoke to me, but not AT me. it was weird. weird that he was so shy...and nervous? he was a senior. a cool frat dude that i picked up with my hot looks and leany ways. stuff like this doesn't happen to me. it was great!

i faked school spirit and went to red rally. grabbed his hang while walking through a crowd. was talked into going down to cruces for the game, and shared a bed w/him in a hotel with 7 other people. and along with kat almost teared apart the entire greek system at unm, or so we've been told.

and i couldn't have been happier!

WHAT TO DO?

Well this weekend sucked. Alot. Too much fighting. Way too much. Hopefully thats over.

And my computer is dead. D-E-D dead. So not much posting going on till I fork over the money for people to save it. I'm working up the patience to call Dell.

I have no ambition lately. I've missed way too many pilates classes, not sure if I'll get that one credit...which means I'll have 11. Which means I'll lose my scholarship. So I'm gonna pick up another P.E. class for the next 8 week session, which is the 2nd half of the semester. So I'll have 12. I think the lack of things to do is making me lazy. I need a job.

Things just suck right now. I'm depressive and not fun to be around. I feel like I'm bugging people/asking too much of them. Atleast thats what it seems like.

LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!!!

I'd cite whoever wrote this, but I found it on myspace with no author.



Being grown up isn't half as much fun as growing up <3


Close your eyes...And go back...

Before the Internet or the AIM

Before semi automatics and crack

Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...



Way back...



I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Mother May I?

Red Rover

Hula Hoops

Running through the sprinkler

Happy Meals



Wait...

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons

or what about legends of the hidden temple, global guts, double dare, and ARE YOU AFFRAID OF THE DARK!

And who could forget Snick

Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man Wonder Woman

& Scooby Doo Underoos

Playing Dukes of Hazard

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar

Christmas morning...

Your first day of school

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses



Climbing trees

Getting an ice cream off the ice cream truck

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers

Jumpin' down the steps

Jumpin' on the bed

Pillow fights

Runnin ' till you were out of breath

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt

Being tired from playin'

Your first crush...

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" in the classroom Remember

that?



I'm not finished yet...

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school

Class Field Trips

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and another quarter a Miracle.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.

I want to go back to the time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at

the amusement park.



Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.



Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.



The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!



Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...


i double dog dare you

WHO NAMES THEIR KID BANJO?!

Oh yeah. I met the John Butler Trio again, which was cool. I forgot cuz thats when I was still wasted. What was Matt doing letting me run around all drunken, by myself, in a big steep venue? I could have died! Thanks Matt.

But yeah, I went back to the merch booth after we sat down to buy Kat's shirt that I forgot the first time I was in line, and then I got in the line to meet JB3. John Butler had his little baby girl, named Banjo, in his lap, and she even signed my ticket. How cute. I then told one of his band-guys that I saw them 4 years ago and had really been wanting to see them ever since, and he said, "Uh...we've only been with John for 2 years." Lol...so I told him it was great to see them for the first time. Isn't it weird that John Butler can kick out 2/3 of the "trio," find 2 more dudes...and call it the same band? There's only three of them...I found that weird. Its also like how Billy Corgan is getting all new band members, yet "reforming" the Smashing Pumpkins. They will not be the Smashing Pumpkins...they'll just be another Zwan.

And yes...Matt ate all the cheese. He went to get food and I wanted nachos, so he came back with a hot dog and cheese. And then when I went to chill with JB3, he ate the cheese! The only part I actually wanted!! I scarfed down the hot dog and then felt like throwing up. It was great.
Maybe I'll get to eat some cheese at the JM3 (not to be confused with JB3) show.

Maria Querida

Red Rocks was awesome!! I had a great time tailgaiting with the Warehousers and getting nice and drunk with Matt. The porta-potties were quite an experience...especially the one which had a little river of overflowing "matter" emitting from it...

The set list was good, could have been better, they did play Seek Up and One Sweet World, both of which were great, and the usual others, Blackbird, Hunger For The Great Light, Steady As We Go...also some not so good ones like Where Are You Going (for the encore..ugh), and the capped it off withTwo Step, which was great. We were 31 rows back, right on the side in seats 1 and 2, which sucked because the WHOLE TIME people were walking back and forth in front and beside us, which was distracting to say the least. But the whole experience was really fun!

And now Brian is visiting me...bye!

BURN HIM!!!

Zozobra was SWEEEET, I got a little drunk, have a little hangover....definitely enough to skip all classes today. I had alot of fun, even though we had to poor out most of our alcohol at the gates, which was just gay, but makes sense...we don't need all 35,000 to be raging drunk. Maybe just 30,000.

DMB in Red Rocks is TOMORROW!!! Sweeeet...I'm so excited. Very very very. It's gonna be a sweet weekend!

THIS IS MY FIRE TOO!

So, the DMB show was super sweet, of course. They gave me #41, finally! I hadn't heard that song since my very first show in May '01, and it was awesome. They also punched out Hunger for the Great Light, the sex song! I love it, during the sexy parts the lights were all red, during the chorus, they shined this bright white light, I loved it. The light show was awesome.

On a side note....Gary Busey is the weirdest man I have ever seen.

They also played Don't Drink the Water, and Granny, which I also hadn't heard since my first show, which I loved. The concert was very very very very very fun! I cannot wait for Red Rocks next weekend!!

This weekend I went camping!! My whole family went, including Matt, Meghan's friends Erin, Claire, and Zoe, and Daniel's girlfriend Erica. 11 of us in all, it was really fun. Oh, and my cool aunt and crazy hick uncle. The best part was getting flooded in the tent with Matt at 2am Saturday night and getting to sleep in the Yukon. That was actually 1 of the 3 sucky things that happened. Another was my crazy uncle not letting the girls sit around the fire cuz they didn't help chop wood....which was just gay. They got rained out Saturday night too, and left early early Sunday morning, yay. I love my aunt but my uncle is just an ass. The last sucky thing was my dad wrecking the boat on some rocks that were underwater. He's really surprised it still works. I took on very little water, which was lucky. So the camping trip was great, I got to cook the whole time, which I love doing. It was way fun.

On to the 3rd week of school...I'll do my best to make it to all of my classes, but I can't make any promises, since Friday is the day after ZOZOBRA!!!!!

YOU GUYS THINK THIS IS A JOKE, THIS IS SERIOUS! YOU'LL GO TO HELL FOR ETERNITY!!

There were these crazy ass cowboy jesus freaks on campus today, trying to get all of UNM to repent. It was retarded. I wanted to yell at them to shut up. Kat wanted to tell them jesus loves everyone and then hug them. Supposedly Matt DePaula went to one who said disease was god punishing people, and wanted to ask him if he thought vaccines were the work of the devil, and tell the guy he has definitely had vaccines, and so he had the devil running through him. I wanna know how that worked out.

Tomorrow is DMB!!!!! Finally!!! I'm very very excited. I still have to figure out what to wear. I'm not going to Pilates. After 2 we're going to Kelly's to hang w/DMB fans before the show, then I plan on heading over there at 5 since the gates open at 5:30. DAVE!!!!

GOOD EATS!!

Irena's food science teacher is named Alvon Brown. How cool is that?? Its very close to being Alton Brown, who I love. He is on my favorite show, Good Eats, on the food network, to those who don't know.

BACK TO SCHOOL, OH BACK TO SCHOOL

Well I've moved into the dorms! Being at home alone sucked ass (just like Kassi likes to do), and I was extremely alone since Matt lives in Santa Fe without me now. So I'm in Devargas 1, and soon (tomorrow or friday) I will be moving into a room across the floor with Becca, cuz both of our roommates are weird. Hers is shy and has a big poster of some rappers on the wall, and mine got up at 5:30 AM this morning to work out. Freak. So we shall soon be roommates, which is exciting! The internet here is SUPER FAST, which is awesome, and we're both gonna move in our huge beds, so our tiny little room will just be filled with bed. No other furniture necessary. But she's at the Coldplay concert now with Kat and Harlie and Kassi. I wanted to go but not enough to spend $32. Thats ok, because...

DAVE IS IN A WEEK!!! That's right kids, next wednesday, live from the Journal Pavilion, is the Dave Matthews Band, back for their 4th year of being here. And then, as you all know, is the concert at RED ROCKS on the 10th with Matt. And then we are going BACK to Denver the NEXT weekend for John Mayer. I'm thinking we should fly, not drive, for John. I'm already making the drive this weekend too. Six flags! No real reason, just my family wants to go. So we're going. Denver is nothing to us. We make the drive often enough for Broncos games. But its gonna be a sweet couple of weeks for concerts!!