CAR HORNS, CORNERS AND THE GRITTY

Its almost the end of the semester! I had my last day of espanol today, no final! Tomorrow I practically finish up public speaking, with my last speech. Then i just have to write a two page paper really quick. No final in the class either!

Just one final in Environmental science, next wednesday. Thats the only thing I have all next week.

Tomorrow's the gay acoustic peak concert. And we're going. We being Kat, Becca, and I. Hopefully we're gonna get a little merry beforehand.

Yesterday I only got to talk to Matt for like 30 seconds. And today another 30 seconds. It sucks, when he gets off work I'm at work, and I don't get out till like 10:30, and he's already asleep by that time. It really really sucks. I miss Matt like crazy during the week. I can't wait for Christmas break!!

GIVE IT AWAY NOW

Shit I've been busy. Its a big change. I have a job now! I've started working at Rudy's BBQ on Carlisle. Its way fun, I love it. All my co-workers are cool and my bosses are the shit. Its a fun job. I get free food at work and half off whenever I buy food when I'm off. And its way good. Lots of MEAT!

Tomorrow's last day of school till Thanksgiving Break! I'm so excited! I love Thanksgiving! I have an environmental science test and a public speaking test tomorrow...

**sidenote...its legal to walk around topless (as a woman) in Toronto. Another reason why Canada is awesome.**

so its midnight and I still haven't started studying. But there's a show on nipples on vh1. its wonderful.

Today is Matt and I's one year and 2 months anniversary! It's wonderful. I'll get to see him tomorrow night!

GRAVITY

Gah! I have too much to do all of the sudden. I have all sorts of shit due for public speaking. Turn in the 1-2 page self evaluation paper, write the 1 page speaking plan, decide what to talk about for, research, and make a visual aid for, and perfect my 6-7 minute speech that I'm doing tomorrow. I needed to go the bank today and find out if I got all my money back, didn't do that. I needed to go my the student services center and get scholarship stuff. I didn't do that. But I did get the temporary parking permit for the suburban.

I'm tired, I don't feel like writing, researching, or making a visual aid. Ugh. As usual, I want to go home, not be stuck in this tiny room.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I STILL DESPERATELY LOVE YOU

My car is sick. I was driving to Santa Fe Thursday evening and it started acting....funky. It got shaky and scary. It made it home and my daddy worked on it. I don't know whats wrong with it but he has to take out the motor....or the engine...I really don't know. So I'm driving the old white suburban. Its huge and barely fit into the space in the parking garage. I had to crawl to the back seat to get out, I was that close to both cars. It sucks. I love my car, and I'm very sad that its sick. :(

But this weekend was good. Besides the funeral on Friday. Got to hang out with my family and Matt, which is always fun. Especially stacking wood for hours. I didn't work as hard has anyone else, but thats because I'm wimpier. My back is killing me.

I'm very tired. Got to get up early when Matt went to work and take my car back to my dad's shop. Atleast I got coffee. Its only 10 and I'm ready for bed.

I had something profound to say earlier...but I forgot, as I tend to do with most things these days.

LOVE, BABY

So I made a long post about what I've been up to, but Blogger decided to erase it. That was a long time ago.

I talked about Teitur, a guy Matt and I went and saw in Santa Fe. He opened for this crappy chick Amy Man. She sucked. But Teitur, oh man...he was incredible! I'm in love! He's on myspace. Check him out. You say his name "Tie - ter." Not teeter. He's got an english accent, so say it that way. His cd, "Poetry and Aeroplanes" is genius. He has a song "One and Only," which is his "almost-blockbuster" song. It has almost been in Shallow Hall and How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. And it was going to be Monica and Chandler's wedding song. But in the movies and scenes were deleted, and it wasn't chosen for Friends. Bummer. Its great.

So that was fun. Halloween was ok. Saturday night we went partying, I was La Llorona, which is very spooky. But last night I hung out in Santa with my parents. Just sick of my dorm and albuquerque. I like Santa Fe much more. Especially hanging out with my mommy and daddy and Matty.

I've been in another depressed slump. It sucks. I got a job at Rudy's BBQ, where they play shitty country music. But they pay $7/hour for cashiering. But I need to get my alcohol serving training first, which I'll get Saturday. Then I can start working...for like a month, then go back to Santa Fe for winter break and work there. Yay.

YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ON PURPOSE

So I'm hanging out in the SRC computer pod again. Because my computer is dead. Again. Matt deleted the virus protection, and then it worked nicely for a while, but Kyle used it when I didn't want him to (he didn't break it, it just broke when he used it) and now its back to its moody self. I think I want to wipe the hard drive again and start over, since I only need my pictures, and I have those on a cd. Why is my computer so evil?!

This weekend had extreme ups and downs. Got to spend time in Santa Fe with family and Matt, which was mostly pleasant. It was nice to see 8am, even if it was at 8am. Earned some money Thursday with my mom, and went wood hunting on Saturday with parents, Daniel, and Matt. Well, the guys did the wood and my mom and I picked pinon, which we have a shitload of now!

My brother broke his wrist falling off a ladder.

I'm going to see a band/artist called Teitur tomorrow. Sort of Howie Day-ish, so looking forward to that. I love discovering little known bands. Like SNMNMNM, which is...this weekend? Next weekend? Not sure. At the launchpad though. And I might even go see them at horrible emo-child filled Warehouse, since Lorn wants to see them. We'll see if I'm in town.

And finally the printer is free, so I can print out my public speaking shit!

LET IT GO

I am so worried about someone right now that I cannot sleep. It has come as a huge surprise and I think I'm in shock. I've prettymuch been crying on and off for the past 24 hours. I hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. I hate my current surroundings. I want to be in Santa Fe, with Matt, with my family. They are the only people I look forward to seeing right now. School seems to suck, everything seems to be going downhill all of the sudden. Every week is different. Thank god this week is only 3 days, I don't know if I could survive a full week. I feel like this person has suddenly become someone I don't know. This is not something I could have ever forseen. I've tried to surround myself with tv or computer all evening, but both of them suck. I just want to be with Matt. Not in this dorm room. Not eating the fucking shit they feed us here. Not having to bike through the cold rain. Its like the weather is this lingering emotion right now. It won't lift. I usually don't fall into sad spells like this very easily unless it hits closely, which it has. I just want someone to tell me this isn't true, that none of this is happening. I can't accept it. It just seems so unlikely. I can't make sense of it. I just wish so badly that people would learn how greatly their actions affect others. I prettymuch can't talk to anyone about it, and that is what is hard. I have to play happy to avoid confrontation, because I know some will force it out of me because of concern.

I just want to be home. I don't care about school at all at this point.

HOKAY, SOH...

I'm way tired. I keep going to sleep way too late. Last night I would have gone to bed at like 1am had shit not happened. And now I'm sitting in the SRC lab, alone and a little scared, instead of being in bed.

Relationshiply, things could be better. But we're working through. As of this moment I am happy.

On that note, a week ago was our anniversary. I meant to post something nice and romantic about it, but never had the time. I have a couple people to thank: Becca's parents for making her and her birthday, Dylan for being in Phi Delt, and John Mayer for being on the mix cd I made for Becca. Oh, and the shy guy who sarcastically said "oh, John Mayer, now I can stay at this party." Honestly, my first reaction was "ugh, what a stuck up ass. I should pick an argument over this." good thing I like to argue about music. and also a good thing I get leany when I drink.

I woke up with a card...a fraternity business-type card, which was funny...in my back pocket. On the back of it was sribbled "Matt 280-****" Hmmm.. I remember this happening! I was way excited. but my hangover kept me from jumping around.

everyone told me to use the 3 day rule...call someone after three days. before that you seem desperate and clingy and crazy. after that you seem uninterested. well, my brain couldn't take it, and it didn't want to push an anurism (sp?), so I caved in after 2 days. it was scary, i was nervous. i was planning on acting calm, "hi, is matt there? hi matt, this is katie, we met at becca's birthday party." instead it came out "HI!!!!!" "....hi....." "ITS KATIE!!" ".....oh, hey" "we met a becca's birthday party and you gave me your number!!"

its a miracle he didn't hang up right then and think "wow...she was a lot calmer when she was wasted." but instead he hung in there. probably took a couple breaths as to not make me cry. and we made small talk.

the next day i got a text asking to hang out between classes. we met at the benchy things in the middle of the mitchel hall/ortega/duckpond area. i sat for a while, thinking he wasn't coming. then i saw him...i did the looking away thing...where you pretend not to watch them walk to you from a long distance away. he was with 2 guys. great...he brought his friends. now i'm intimidated. but then they give him a pat on the back and took a different path. i thought i might throw up my heart.

we sat, talked for a while. he didn't look at me much...spoke to me, but not AT me. it was weird. weird that he was so shy...and nervous? he was a senior. a cool frat dude that i picked up with my hot looks and leany ways. stuff like this doesn't happen to me. it was great!

i faked school spirit and went to red rally. grabbed his hang while walking through a crowd. was talked into going down to cruces for the game, and shared a bed w/him in a hotel with 7 other people. and along with kat almost teared apart the entire greek system at unm, or so we've been told.

and i couldn't have been happier!

WHAT TO DO?

Well this weekend sucked. Alot. Too much fighting. Way too much. Hopefully thats over.

And my computer is dead. D-E-D dead. So not much posting going on till I fork over the money for people to save it. I'm working up the patience to call Dell.

I have no ambition lately. I've missed way too many pilates classes, not sure if I'll get that one credit...which means I'll have 11. Which means I'll lose my scholarship. So I'm gonna pick up another P.E. class for the next 8 week session, which is the 2nd half of the semester. So I'll have 12. I think the lack of things to do is making me lazy. I need a job.

Things just suck right now. I'm depressive and not fun to be around. I feel like I'm bugging people/asking too much of them. Atleast thats what it seems like.

LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!!!

I'd cite whoever wrote this, but I found it on myspace with no author.



Being grown up isn't half as much fun as growing up <3


Close your eyes...And go back...

Before the Internet or the AIM

Before semi automatics and crack

Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...



Way back...



I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Mother May I?

Red Rover

Hula Hoops

Running through the sprinkler

Happy Meals



Wait...

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons

or what about legends of the hidden temple, global guts, double dare, and ARE YOU AFFRAID OF THE DARK!

And who could forget Snick

Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man Wonder Woman

& Scooby Doo Underoos

Playing Dukes of Hazard

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar

Christmas morning...

Your first day of school

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses



Climbing trees

Getting an ice cream off the ice cream truck

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers

Jumpin' down the steps

Jumpin' on the bed

Pillow fights

Runnin ' till you were out of breath

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt

Being tired from playin'

Your first crush...

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" in the classroom Remember

that?



I'm not finished yet...

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school

Class Field Trips

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and another quarter a Miracle.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.

I want to go back to the time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at

the amusement park.



Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.



Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.



The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!



Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...


i double dog dare you

WHO NAMES THEIR KID BANJO?!

Oh yeah. I met the John Butler Trio again, which was cool. I forgot cuz thats when I was still wasted. What was Matt doing letting me run around all drunken, by myself, in a big steep venue? I could have died! Thanks Matt.

But yeah, I went back to the merch booth after we sat down to buy Kat's shirt that I forgot the first time I was in line, and then I got in the line to meet JB3. John Butler had his little baby girl, named Banjo, in his lap, and she even signed my ticket. How cute. I then told one of his band-guys that I saw them 4 years ago and had really been wanting to see them ever since, and he said, "Uh...we've only been with John for 2 years." Lol...so I told him it was great to see them for the first time. Isn't it weird that John Butler can kick out 2/3 of the "trio," find 2 more dudes...and call it the same band? There's only three of them...I found that weird. Its also like how Billy Corgan is getting all new band members, yet "reforming" the Smashing Pumpkins. They will not be the Smashing Pumpkins...they'll just be another Zwan.

And yes...Matt ate all the cheese. He went to get food and I wanted nachos, so he came back with a hot dog and cheese. And then when I went to chill with JB3, he ate the cheese! The only part I actually wanted!! I scarfed down the hot dog and then felt like throwing up. It was great.
Maybe I'll get to eat some cheese at the JM3 (not to be confused with JB3) show.

Maria Querida

Red Rocks was awesome!! I had a great time tailgaiting with the Warehousers and getting nice and drunk with Matt. The porta-potties were quite an experience...especially the one which had a little river of overflowing "matter" emitting from it...

The set list was good, could have been better, they did play Seek Up and One Sweet World, both of which were great, and the usual others, Blackbird, Hunger For The Great Light, Steady As We Go...also some not so good ones like Where Are You Going (for the encore..ugh), and the capped it off withTwo Step, which was great. We were 31 rows back, right on the side in seats 1 and 2, which sucked because the WHOLE TIME people were walking back and forth in front and beside us, which was distracting to say the least. But the whole experience was really fun!

And now Brian is visiting me...bye!

BURN HIM!!!

Zozobra was SWEEEET, I got a little drunk, have a little hangover....definitely enough to skip all classes today. I had alot of fun, even though we had to poor out most of our alcohol at the gates, which was just gay, but makes sense...we don't need all 35,000 to be raging drunk. Maybe just 30,000.

DMB in Red Rocks is TOMORROW!!! Sweeeet...I'm so excited. Very very very. It's gonna be a sweet weekend!

THIS IS MY FIRE TOO!

So, the DMB show was super sweet, of course. They gave me #41, finally! I hadn't heard that song since my very first show in May '01, and it was awesome. They also punched out Hunger for the Great Light, the sex song! I love it, during the sexy parts the lights were all red, during the chorus, they shined this bright white light, I loved it. The light show was awesome.

On a side note....Gary Busey is the weirdest man I have ever seen.

They also played Don't Drink the Water, and Granny, which I also hadn't heard since my first show, which I loved. The concert was very very very very very fun! I cannot wait for Red Rocks next weekend!!

This weekend I went camping!! My whole family went, including Matt, Meghan's friends Erin, Claire, and Zoe, and Daniel's girlfriend Erica. 11 of us in all, it was really fun. Oh, and my cool aunt and crazy hick uncle. The best part was getting flooded in the tent with Matt at 2am Saturday night and getting to sleep in the Yukon. That was actually 1 of the 3 sucky things that happened. Another was my crazy uncle not letting the girls sit around the fire cuz they didn't help chop wood....which was just gay. They got rained out Saturday night too, and left early early Sunday morning, yay. I love my aunt but my uncle is just an ass. The last sucky thing was my dad wrecking the boat on some rocks that were underwater. He's really surprised it still works. I took on very little water, which was lucky. So the camping trip was great, I got to cook the whole time, which I love doing. It was way fun.

On to the 3rd week of school...I'll do my best to make it to all of my classes, but I can't make any promises, since Friday is the day after ZOZOBRA!!!!!

YOU GUYS THINK THIS IS A JOKE, THIS IS SERIOUS! YOU'LL GO TO HELL FOR ETERNITY!!

There were these crazy ass cowboy jesus freaks on campus today, trying to get all of UNM to repent. It was retarded. I wanted to yell at them to shut up. Kat wanted to tell them jesus loves everyone and then hug them. Supposedly Matt DePaula went to one who said disease was god punishing people, and wanted to ask him if he thought vaccines were the work of the devil, and tell the guy he has definitely had vaccines, and so he had the devil running through him. I wanna know how that worked out.

Tomorrow is DMB!!!!! Finally!!! I'm very very excited. I still have to figure out what to wear. I'm not going to Pilates. After 2 we're going to Kelly's to hang w/DMB fans before the show, then I plan on heading over there at 5 since the gates open at 5:30. DAVE!!!!

GOOD EATS!!

Irena's food science teacher is named Alvon Brown. How cool is that?? Its very close to being Alton Brown, who I love. He is on my favorite show, Good Eats, on the food network, to those who don't know.

BACK TO SCHOOL, OH BACK TO SCHOOL

Well I've moved into the dorms! Being at home alone sucked ass (just like Kassi likes to do), and I was extremely alone since Matt lives in Santa Fe without me now. So I'm in Devargas 1, and soon (tomorrow or friday) I will be moving into a room across the floor with Becca, cuz both of our roommates are weird. Hers is shy and has a big poster of some rappers on the wall, and mine got up at 5:30 AM this morning to work out. Freak. So we shall soon be roommates, which is exciting! The internet here is SUPER FAST, which is awesome, and we're both gonna move in our huge beds, so our tiny little room will just be filled with bed. No other furniture necessary. But she's at the Coldplay concert now with Kat and Harlie and Kassi. I wanted to go but not enough to spend $32. Thats ok, because...

DAVE IS IN A WEEK!!! That's right kids, next wednesday, live from the Journal Pavilion, is the Dave Matthews Band, back for their 4th year of being here. And then, as you all know, is the concert at RED ROCKS on the 10th with Matt. And then we are going BACK to Denver the NEXT weekend for John Mayer. I'm thinking we should fly, not drive, for John. I'm already making the drive this weekend too. Six flags! No real reason, just my family wants to go. So we're going. Denver is nothing to us. We make the drive often enough for Broncos games. But its gonna be a sweet couple of weeks for concerts!!

YOU LOOK SO PRETTY SLEEPING NEXT TO ME

Hey kids--

...yeah right...no one actually reads this.

I haven't been up to much. Working at Le Soup, getting sick of it, not making enough money.

Went to Durango for a weekend w/the family & Matt, went river rafting, that was sweet.

Brian and I took our Howie roadtrip to Denver this past weekend, it was sweet. I bought alot of clothes at the concert and got my 2nd and 3rd migraines ever, one on the day of the concert and the other on the drive back home. Not fun.

Matt is leaving to Wisconson tomorrow, and coming back Monday. I already miss him, and I am extremely jealous that he is going to 2 Dave concerts w/o me, but he already knows that.

Next week is our family vacation, finally! We're heading out for Vegas, Lake Tahoe, and the Red Wood Forrest. Sounds sweet. I'm gonna play DDR until I die in Vegas!!

Our 9-mo anniversary is tomorrow! I love the 22nd. I forgot to give Matt his present before he left.

I saw Wedding Crashers, and my favorite part was when Guster was the sad song towards the end of the movie! I love Guster, and I caught it right away, making myself feel extra smart!

I also saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was good, kinda weird, I didn't like the oompa loompas, but Johnny Depp did an awesome (but different) Willy Wonka.

DMB is hitting up Red Rocks this year, on Sept 9, 10, and 11. Matt and I are going to the 10th. Red Rocks is an amphitheatre outside of Denver built right into the red rock hillside (hence the name). I'm very excited, I've always wanted to go there, heard its beautiful and has amazing natural acoustics. Dave!!

All for now.

YOU CAN DRESS UP LIKE A SULTAN IN YOUR ONION-HEAD HAT

So I haven't posted in a month. Sorry! Now that I'm back in Santa (yay!) I'm never online. Its too dificult to search the whole house for Daniel's computer and the phone cord that is never long enough. But tonight I found the strength. Why don't I use my own computer, you ask? Because its too slow, I have too many pictures on it! I've decided I need a million dollars to go print out all my digital pictures at Walmart, and another million dollars to buy photo albums, because they're just cool and old-school.

Well, its summer break now. And I'm back at Souper Salad/The Soup/Le Soup/SS. I love it there, and Kat's working there too! We're super hot so we make great tips. Plus I get to practice my spanish again with Benito and Oscar. And every Tuesday I go and play softball with my bosses (Shawn and Angela) and a co-worker Lisa and her almost-boyfriend Marcus. Kat and I went last week, but this Tuesday was my birthday, so I didn't go. But next week, here I come!

Thats right, yesterday was my birthday! My sweet Matty brought me really pretty roses, and the sweet Before These Crowded Streets VINYL RECORD that I've been dying for forever on Ebay!! He gave that to me early though. Its so sweet, I've wanted it for my entire life, and its so freakin' expensive because its so freakin' rare! Thank you Matt, I'm inlove with you forever and ever now. My parents bought me a pretty watch, and gift cards to the GAP, American Eagle, and Best Buy. I already spent the Best Buy one on Guster's "Lost and Gone Forever," DMB's "Under The Table and Dreaming," Howie Days' new duel-disc (cd and dvd on the same side!!) "Stop All The World Now," and Cake's "Comfort Eagle." All of that was $57. I miss my cds!! But I'm so happy to have these ones back, I've really missed them! Kat gave me flowers in a cup, Becca promises a burned copy of Jack Johnson's "On and On," which I also can't live without. I'll be throwing myself a great party at the Alb-house on Saturday night, so anyone who actually reads this anymore is invited, just gimme a call. My Aunt Chelo gave me $10 (sweeeeet!). I bought myself a Mucho's Turkey Surprise birthday sandwhich and a beautiful hippy shirt from Durango.

That's right, we went to Pagosa Springs/William's Creek/Durango, CO for Memorial Day weekend! It was a whole shitload of us: Me, mom, dad, Meghan, Lauren, Meghan's friend Erin, Matt, Kat, Kat's mom, Kat's dad, Kat's sister, Our friends the Catnach's (4 of them) and their friend Jason=16 people in 2 camp sites. It was really really fun except when I threw a temper tantrum (sorry, I'd blame my period but it was over. No excuse.) We went to The Springs (ahhhh...) and to Durango where I went to my favorite hippy store in the whole world. It was wonderful.

What else what else....not too much I guess...not everyone is back from school yet, still waiting for Kassi, Irena, and Harlie. I can't wait for them! Matt got a super sweet job working for the governor, in "consituency services," which means he gets to answer the phones and deal with mad people/the press, and release the press statements and all sorts of important stuff!! I'm so proud of him! And he will prolly be moving to Sfe, which will rock will I move back to Alb, because then he'll be in my town without me :(, but we'll worry about that in September.

Speaking of jobs, I've decided I need to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm now a college sophomore, and I need to start taking serious classes for a career. Sure I love spanish and its my "major," but I really really REALLY wanna take cooking and baking classes, but UNM doesn't offer those, so I'm thinking about taking some TVI classes, or wherever I can. Maybe I'll go to the College of Santa Fe and live here for the rest of my life. I'd be cool with that. I wish I was the woman version of Alton Brown. He's my hero.

Well I guess thats just about it. Oh Wait! "Stand Up" (DMB) came out, and I'm sure every last one of you has it. Not really, I don't know any of my regular friends, who call themselves "fans" who have the cd. Its different, but great. Like the Chili Peppers' "By The Way," only hip-hoppy instead of...rocky? Dream Girl, Hunger For the Great Light, and Everybody Wake Up are my favorites on the cd. Please buy it or alteast burn it, and for the love of god get your tickets for the show at Journal on Aug 31st!!! All you "fans" are really slacking!! Bad!

Well, have fun till next month!

I don't know why I'm so fucking miserable lately. I go up and down, really. And since I'm always around Matt, I end up taking it out on him. I'm sorry Matt, you know I love you and I don't mean to be moody, but its not something I can help. I didn't go to work, sociology, or english today. But I did go to pilates, and very shitty afterwards. Physically and mentally. Tried to take a nap which I didn't need since I slept till 12:30 today, but I couldn't sleep even though I feel exhausted. Called my mom to feel better but she just jumped all over me for not going to work, which I never should have mentioned. I cannot wait for school to be over, so I can go camping, with or without everyone, and just do absolutely nothing but listen to Dave for a couple days, which I really need.

I've been crying way too often. I never cry. I usually only cry like every other month, but since my grandma died I've been crying like every day for one reason or another. My eyes always hurt. I can't focus on school, which is great with finals coming up. I have to write a paper for music and study for spanish tonite, as well as clean the house since Tiffany is coming on Wednesday to check out the house, so it needs to look nice. And since I feel all shitty, my diet is going to hell. I eat way more when I'm all depressed. And Jen (Josh's girlfrend) baked me cookies for my birthday, which they thought was yesterday...which was weird. Josh gave me a shirt from Florida, which was really sweet.

But I don't understand why I feel so shitty. Maybe its my grandma...maybe its something else that I can't figure out.